and either i'm nobody, or i'm a nation

I got to spend a whole rainy September morning in bed, doing nothing productive except plan an apple-picking expedition for this weekend and getting "tickets" to The Dark Harvest Fall Equinox (aka, somewhere you can drink 19 "very rare" dark beers). I read a little bit in an old book I just started (again), The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz and drank an Alex-made smoothie. Now it's looking not-so-rainy outside and my motivation to get out of bed is steadily increasing. I was feeling pretty all-powerful from bed (I mean, apple-picking and beer scheduled? What can she not do?), but then: I was unable to get seats in the free jam-making class going on at Learnapalooza in Logan Square this weekend. Canning and jam-making remind me of Montana because Alex's mom is a pro AND she recently sent us supplies.

Montana is: dusty roads, sweet dogs, Hank the dog chasing the car all the way down the dusty road to the next house (which is far away), planting tomatoes in the garden, homemade dinners, a lovely kitchen, a cabin in the woods, an afternoon spent learning how to shoot guns (the dogs were so nervous that they slept for the next 3 hours), collecting chicken eggs, hiking through the woods, sitting around talking and drinking mojitos, funny Bill thinking things that people do are weird, exploring nature and the pantry, hoping that the mama rabbit didn't eat the baby rabbits.

Montana is not: somewhere the government interferes, which is ultra-important to Bill ("So you live in the land of Rahm Emanuel, huh? He's like the devil"), a place where it is not unusual to keep a gun in your purse, somewhere you always need electricity (which is a beautiful thing, although makes shaving inconvenient), forgettable.

P.S. My afternoon of learning how to shoot guns left me a little enamored with shooting them, although I still believe in strict gun control. It sparked a conversation with Bill, who (not surprisingly) has exact opposite thoughts on gun ownership, but interestingly, is not at all opposed to the increased regulation that was being proposed at the time for purchasing guns. (This was early summer) He and Cheryl have guns to protect themselves from bears and animals, which comes with the territory of living in the mountains. They have both passed tests and taken classes on proper use and, at least from what I can tell, have no intention on using them on people. I still have a problem with guns in cities, which seems to hold a completely different context. So that's my little gun explanation, which feels necessary because I do live in Chicago, where guns (and the people behind them), are a huge problem.

this morning, with her, having coffee

"this morning, with her, having coffee"- johnny cash's idea of paradise

Here are some things around my apartment. I was thinking about paradise yesterday and realized that in my apartment with the morning light (assuming it is morningtime because I went to bed and woke up again, and not because I am still up studying from the night before) with a cup of tea is paradise to me. And under a cozy blanket. I've never been a huge beach person, but I would accept one of those right now too. But more perfect would be a cabin surrounded by the mountains and slightly chilly spring air. Just some daydreaming in between Genetics and Neuroanatomy.

boldness has genius, power, and magic in it

I took this picture of the storefront of Two-Sided in Lakeview, Chicago.

"Seize this very minute; what you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."

-Johann Wolfgang

Be bold- reminder for today and always.

kayla and other kids

This is Kayla, possibly one of my favorite kids ever. Bold statement. But she was just such a cool kid. I took this picture about 10 months ago when it seemed like it was warm enough to go to the park, but I still felt like bundling the kids up nice and warm.

I love this How Do You Decide Who to Marry Written by Kids. For example:

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
(1) I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9

and

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8

I know some kids who would say things like this.

for a minute there, i lost myself

This looks all peace and serenity to me. A picture and a song as a reminder to breathe and stay focused. We're going to make it.

paris

[image from here]

I love this city. This picture makes me miss it a lot.

#2: Coffee in Bed

[images from here]

Bucket List #2: Coffee in bed. I think it'd be luxurious to have a cup of delicious coffee before having to be fully awake. I thought of this when I realized that I get through most of my day without coffee and end up drinking a cup at night, but then can stay up forever. Coffee mornings sound so much better. Don't know how I'd accomplish this one, but I'm not above a coffeemaker/espresso machine in the bedroom. Maybe I'm a little bit above that. Not sure.

the riddle was: why couldn't we live in the mind? the answer was: the barrier of the earth intervened.

This image and the one from the previous post are taken by sebmontaz. It seems like they are from this documentary. I watched the trailer for it today and I think it looks awesome. I tried several times to post the video of the trailer here, but it's not working, so here's the link. I'm so amazed by both the images and the actual jumping/tightwiring, etc.

I think I like things like this because it reminds me of the big picture of life when caught up in the midst of (inevitable) details.

soon it will be cold enough to build fires

It's 1:23 AM and I plan on watching the Respiratory Physiology lecture that happened this morning as I fall asleep on the couch. Reasons it's okay to sleep on the couch (and I mean all night, as blanket and pillow have been transferred to the couch, not a nap): none. People who understand why I am enjoying sleeping on the couch: none. Reasons I'm going to bed 3 hours earlier than usual: I'm not getting anything done tonight and furthermore, Confessions, Part II by Usher is stuck in my head. And I really can't relate to my chick on the side telling me she's three months pregnant and she's keeping it.

[image from here]

cozy season.

[picture from here]

One of the reasons I love seasons, even in the miserable cold, is an excuse to get cozy. I remember last winter, when I was a birthday party planner (oh, the part time jobs I could describe), I woke up and looked outside my window. I have a large balcony-like sliding door that looks out to the skyline. It has curtains but I never close them unless I need to keep the cold out (seriously) because although there is a large tree obstructing most of the view, the skyline is a constant reminder of where I am and maybe to some extent, who I am. So I wake up and look out the window, which is, almost without variation, the first thing I do in the morning. There is snow coming down horizontally and with a vengeance.

I'm thinking to myself, this party has got to be canceled. People don't go outside in this weather. Except that they do. And I know this. But whenever there is any weather aberration, I feel hope that everything in the day will be canceled. This has thus far only happened once (the blizzard of 20+ inch snow). I bundled up in a shirt, sweatshirt, fleece jacket, snuggie, and winter jacket. Yes, I was sweating on the walk there. But here's my point: we put up with that kind of weather because first, everyone is so happy to arrive. That's all it takes to cause joy. Arrival: I have made it and now I can be warm.

And secondly, there are nights like tonight: cup of coffee, rainstorm outside and a big blanket thrown over your shoulders to talk with some friends or listen to some lectures. I really love it.

the world is too full to talk about

Beyond our ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, 
there is a field. I'll meet you there. 
When the soul lies down in that grass, 
the world is too full to talk about. 
Ideas, language, even the phrase 'each other' 
doesn't make sense any more.
-Rumi

pretty

Splitscreen: A Love Story from JW Griffiths on Vimeo.

Shot on a Nokia phone!

two drifters, off to see the world. there's so much world to see

image from weheartit.com

"You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for."
-Richard Siken

coffee & cheese

Most beautiful picture ever?
Except for maybe this one.

wild.

about leaving home and coming back.

all i want.

I think that there may come a day when I don't this anymore:
(And literally, I look like this Every. Single. Day. Including days in which it is sunny.)

And want to live in mountains.
And admit to myself that the only things I care about are books and coffee.
And all I want to do is go camping.
Snowboarding.(Okay, not really snowboarding, but very symbolic)

Rockclimbing.
(Again, representative)

Travel.
And maybe take care of an animal.
And that's it.

These images are all from my Pinterest. Do you have one? Let me know.

Revive

Today's theme: revive. I got my first massage today. It's my new plan for spending money- on things that improve me (fitness, good food, etc.), rather than on stuff. I'm so over stuff. Anyway, my massage therapist told me that I seem to enjoy deep tissue massage, something about "good hurt" and liking the pain. True.

By way of explanation, I decided to try a series of posts in which I juxtapose pictures that seem to "go together." Whether in an obvious way or in an obvious way with a twist on the interpretation/theme or in a completely non-obvious way. Possibly something I'm thinking about, a reflection of my day, or simply something that seemed interesting. I'm going back to edit my Fear post now that I have a little more time to say something about it.

Tonight, I'm attempting to finish up organic chemistry and get a huge chunk of physics and biology done while listening to Bob Dylan and The Beatles. I didn't drink any coffee today, which is weird. I have a small fear of my coffeemaker (a story for another day), so some chocolate and tea (haven't decided what kind) will be in order for tonight.

sine metu

Today's theme: without fear. Fearless.

I could say a million things about fear. I could be incredibly general about it, but in all honesty, I think each individual's relationship with fear is unique.

the perfect morning?

december never felt so long; you're not where you belong, inside my arms

via whiskeysoaked

This is what I look like in the winter. Not. Maybe the blanket-esque shawl over the head. All the same, there's something I find extremely captivating about this woman. Sure, the picture looks pretty, but those of us who experience real climate changes know that a real winter? A real winter is not pretty. But she is determined. It seems spirited, haughty, and defiant of winter. I admire that in a woman, especially during the winter. (As long as she doesn't complain. We can forgive someone who can't walk in the shoes she decided to wear that day, but there's nothing worse than being subjected to listen to her own decision failures.)

Until then, the rest of us can sit inside with our Frango Cafe Collection Limited Edition Chocolates (Macy's). Mine was a much-needed, sweet gift that includes Coffee, Caramel Macchiato, and Marshmallow Hot Chocolate varieties in an attractively color-palatted box. And we can ponder how these images of winter are so incongruous with our actual experiences of it. (Actually, I love winter, usually. But that's for another post, another time.)

photo by photoriel

photo by visbeek