into the light of the dark black night

picture by KatieAnnOwens

Maybe the first time an image has every embodied the ultimate goal of my life. Coffee, books, mountains, and a really cozy blanket. Probably something in the oven. At the moment, I can't figure out what is in there, a batch of cookies or a hearty meal. Here, we say "I love you back" instead of "I love you too" because it's better or maybe just because it's new. There's this moment in the song Blackbird that I get really concerned because it feels like the song is ending. Even though 1:36 is too short for a song to end, it seems like it could end there because that was a good 1 minute and 36 seconds. But you need just one more Blackbird singing in the dark of night to come after into the light of the dark black night. And when the music continues at 1:45, it's like, thank god. No matter how drowsy I am after playing the song over and over again before I go to bed, my breath catches a little bit at 1:36 and releases at 1:45.  (When I am too tired to read, I sleep on the right side of the bed and my computer sits on the left side, playing me Blackbird or Moon River). That's how I feel about the mountains.

two videos for a sunday night and monday morning

"And I say to the grownups, if you want to deny evolution and live in your world, in your world that’s completely inconsistent with everything we observe in the universe, that’s fine, but don’t make your kids do it because we need them. We need scientifically literate voters and taxpayers for the future. We need people that can—we need engineers that can build stuff, solve problems."

-Bill Nye

one of the many reasons, as far as i can tell, for some countryside living

(via progress: verb)

One of the things I remember most vividly about Taiwan is driving. Whenever we visited, our family would take us on little road trips. "Little" being enough to transform the scenery and landscape around us. The thing about Taiwan is that you can go from ocean, to mountain, to countryside, to city within several hours. I miss it.

the riddle was: why couldn't we live in the mind? the answer was: the barrier of the earth intervened.

This image and the one from the previous post are taken by sebmontaz. It seems like they are from this documentary. I watched the trailer for it today and I think it looks awesome. I tried several times to post the video of the trailer here, but it's not working, so here's the link. I'm so amazed by both the images and the actual jumping/tightwiring, etc.

I think I like things like this because it reminds me of the big picture of life when caught up in the midst of (inevitable) details.

two drifters off to see the world, there's such a lot of world to see

I've posted this before, but I'm posting it again because this song is, without a doubt, my happy song, always. It reminds me of a very happy time in my life and of Peru because my friend Jenny and I sang this song a few times and it kept running through my head as I took the train toward Machu Picchu. It's a great memory for 3:30 AM when I need to take a shower before bed and discover that my hair looks like this:

It's hard to remember sometimes (specifically after studying all day with more to come), but I know I'm where I want to be. I never considered going after dreams to be as glamorous as it is often portrayed- mostly sweat.

Dreammaker, you heartbreaker.

be loved.

waking up to you

“I will remember your small room, the feel of you, the light in the window, your records, your books, our morning coffee, our noons our nights, our bodies spilled together, sleeping, the tiny flowing currents, immediate and forever, your leg my leg, your arm my arm, your smile and the warmth of you who made me laugh again.”

— Charles Bukowski

^One of my best friends' favorite poets= reading poetry over the phone before bed is awesome.

except independence

“Degrees of ability vary, but the basic principle remains the same: the degree of a man’s independence, initiative and personal love for his work determines his talent as a worker and his worth as a man. Independence is the only gauge of human virtue and value. What a man is and makes of himself; not what he has or hasn’t done for others. There is no substitute for personal dignity. There is no standard of personal dignity except independence."

-Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

a few thoughts for today

A friend posted this article on Facebook today. It's called Paper Tigers: What happens to all the Asian-Americans once the test-taking ends. Longest article of my life, but a lot of these ideas pass through my mind and I think are part of what people who think about the Asian-American experience think about. Beyond that, I haven't had enough time to process it more specifically.

And after tonight, I needed this:

"Don’t be afraid to be a fool. Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying yes begins things. Saying yes is how things grow. Saying yes leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say yes."

-Stephen Colbert

true kindness.

"I was a goth in high school," said the most clean-cut man I knew.

The thought passed through my mind that perhaps he didn't know the stereotypical concept of "goth." Maybe he was that guy. Striped collar shirt under a sweater with khakis guy who thought he used to be goth. He was not. "I used to apply pale foundation, have long hair, and black nails." He was my teacher and I was a student in his senior English class, but I fell to the floor laughing. And he laughed vaguely, laughing at my laughter. And now there's this article.

I'm so proud to know him.

huckleberry friends

(My neighbor became the view outside my window when I lived in Florence)

"Let nature do the freezing and frightening and isolating in this world. Let men work and love and fight it off."
-Jack Kerouac

one sunday morning

I wish I could describe how amazing these coffee beans smell. Despite my fear of not being able to use all the beans before they lose their freshness, I picked up a bag from my favorite coffeeshop in an effort to save money and make coffee at home. Here's the thing: I don't have a traditional coffeemaker. My very kind aunt and cousin, understanding my coffee obsession, gifted me with a gorgeous Italian coffee maker. I love it, but also fear it. In the way that you sometimes fear things you love. No? Just me? The reason I fear it is that the last time I used it, I had a stomachache for like three days (only slightly exaggerated). Strongest. Coffee. Ever. It is delicious. I made an effort to neutralize the coffee with some milk. I drink my coffee black. Always. But drank milk in a teacup so as to not interfere with the flavor.

Coffee brewing+strawberries+Sunday morning= perfection.

List of Things That Are Beautiful

Here is a page from my journal. I can't exactly remember why I decided to come up with this list. But I began it in November and would add to it periodically. I think the last few things were written in January.

The text:

• skin after just waking up
• dark nail polish
• post-workout burn
• early morning silence
• winter fog (especially over the city)
• his kisses. really.
• bravery
• textig one of your best friends and reading until you fall asleep
• laying in bed in blatant overuse of the space heater laughing with Danny (phone) about what cocky assholes we are, "j and d find an emotion"
• total reciprocation
• a classy woman
• dreaming about places to be traveled and adventures to be had
• standing in the middle of the street squinting at a crumpled map and not giving a damn
• self-deprecation (the light-hearted, know when to stop kind)
• my sweet/always laughs at the ridiculous things I say/says ridiculous things herself/really hoping she doesn't get married too young best friend, my babygirl/soulmate in the way that I can predict her favorite anything by asking myself if I like it best friend, my curmudgeon/we laugh so hard in restaurants, walking down the street, in coffeeshops, in his car best friend; my wine drinking in parks on summer nights/insightful like crazy best friend
• people who are crazy obsessive hard-working FOR A REASON OR DREAM
• the skein of yarn that is hanging over my chair waiting to be wound
• the catchlights in everybody's eyes
• Chicago skyline, every night- especially in September and October
• airports, always
• the paradox between travel and home
• the dream right after you hit the snooze button or beg someone to give you 15 more minutes (always the best)
• the things we live without
• the thins we will never, ever have to live without

Do you agree with any of these things? What would make your list? I might need to start a new page of beautiful things.

all i want.

I think that there may come a day when I don't this anymore:
(And literally, I look like this Every. Single. Day. Including days in which it is sunny.)

And want to live in mountains.
And admit to myself that the only things I care about are books and coffee.
And all I want to do is go camping.
Snowboarding.(Okay, not really snowboarding, but very symbolic)

Rockclimbing.
(Again, representative)

Travel.
And maybe take care of an animal.
And that's it.

These images are all from my Pinterest. Do you have one? Let me know.

this one quote i saw

look famous.
be legendary.
appear complex.
act easy.
radiate presence.
travel light.
seem a dream.
prove real.
----------------
let's go.

truths.

at the movies, you can share my peanut m&ms, but you better act fast

I am feeling good today. Lots to say, but for now: 2011 is going to be sweet. This picture is from last night. I was talking to one of my friends whom I have come to really depend on to drag each other through all the rough times. We somehow got on the topic of emotional intelligence (by somehow, I mean that I am sure there was a very logical and coherent path toward it). The conversation proceeded as follows:

"On the scale of emotional between 1 and 10, you are a 2."
"What!" (I tend to say "What!" a lot, except that it sounds very classy, like, "Whaaaat!")
"Fine.... 2.2"

We've worked it out. But anyway, despite my 2.2 emotional level, I do love this. Like I said, sweet.

famous before she was notorious

I recently realized that I don't spend enough time thinking about important things. Not things that involve school, science, work, what I'm going to eat for dinner, am I drinking enough water, how angry would my mom be if I got a cat, how much angrier my mom would be if I got a cat and then a tattoo, can I leave the country without my mom noticing, if I drink any more coffee than I am currently, will I explode, why did that group of guys tell me that I'm pretty and ask if I wanted to go smoke with them while I was waiting at the bus stop, etc.

But what about dreams? Somehow, the concept of dreaming has become so associated with being spacey and flaky, even cliche (Dream Big, blah, blah), but I'm beginning to wonder about the power of just big, insane ideas and really working them feasibly into my life. After all, insanity is a purely theoretical concept, I think. There was a point this summer when I was thinking of new ideas on a daily and weekly basis; I was surrounded by good-intentioned naysayers, but at the end of the day, those people wondering why you would want to do something or, more terrifying, telling you that you shouldn't will fade into the background and you remember. You remember yourself, somehow.

One of my favorite summer memories is from a concert when Glen Hasard of The Swell Season was talking about insane dreams and he dedicated the next song to the insane dreamers of the world. My friend Cherita looked at me and smiled. And one of my favorite quotes came from a book I read this summer, Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder regarding the project to bring healthcare to Haiti, "They think we're unrealistic. They don't know we're crazy."

My main goal for the last few weeks of November is to give myself time to come up with big ideas. I just wanted to share this picture that I took last year in Taiwan. I love how the body of the fish curls. And the picture reminds me of beautiful memories abroad and that I need to begin planning more!

faces

Love these stunning photos of beautiful faces by Alessandro Villa.

working hard

Lovely. Out of everything, people inspire me the most.

"I feel best when I'm trying hard and working, I always try hard." Yes. Today, I did very few things beyond the errands I'd been putting off and as it turns out, laziness/doing nothing (doing nothing is not always lazy; in fact, it often requires a very conscious effort for me) is not as satisfying as one may think. So tomorrow, back to attacking the day (i.e., squeezing every last bit out of the day). Because right now I'm listening to Rob talk to his cat.

I found this on his blog: "If you go home with someone, and they don’t have books, don’t fuck ‘em." -John Waters

Also, this. A reminder to be brave (and classy/brief).