and either i'm nobody, or i'm a nation

I got to spend a whole rainy September morning in bed, doing nothing productive except plan an apple-picking expedition for this weekend and getting "tickets" to The Dark Harvest Fall Equinox (aka, somewhere you can drink 19 "very rare" dark beers). I read a little bit in an old book I just started (again), The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz and drank an Alex-made smoothie. Now it's looking not-so-rainy outside and my motivation to get out of bed is steadily increasing. I was feeling pretty all-powerful from bed (I mean, apple-picking and beer scheduled? What can she not do?), but then: I was unable to get seats in the free jam-making class going on at Learnapalooza in Logan Square this weekend. Canning and jam-making remind me of Montana because Alex's mom is a pro AND she recently sent us supplies.

Montana is: dusty roads, sweet dogs, Hank the dog chasing the car all the way down the dusty road to the next house (which is far away), planting tomatoes in the garden, homemade dinners, a lovely kitchen, a cabin in the woods, an afternoon spent learning how to shoot guns (the dogs were so nervous that they slept for the next 3 hours), collecting chicken eggs, hiking through the woods, sitting around talking and drinking mojitos, funny Bill thinking things that people do are weird, exploring nature and the pantry, hoping that the mama rabbit didn't eat the baby rabbits.

Montana is not: somewhere the government interferes, which is ultra-important to Bill ("So you live in the land of Rahm Emanuel, huh? He's like the devil"), a place where it is not unusual to keep a gun in your purse, somewhere you always need electricity (which is a beautiful thing, although makes shaving inconvenient), forgettable.

P.S. My afternoon of learning how to shoot guns left me a little enamored with shooting them, although I still believe in strict gun control. It sparked a conversation with Bill, who (not surprisingly) has exact opposite thoughts on gun ownership, but interestingly, is not at all opposed to the increased regulation that was being proposed at the time for purchasing guns. (This was early summer) He and Cheryl have guns to protect themselves from bears and animals, which comes with the territory of living in the mountains. They have both passed tests and taken classes on proper use and, at least from what I can tell, have no intention on using them on people. I still have a problem with guns in cities, which seems to hold a completely different context. So that's my little gun explanation, which feels necessary because I do live in Chicago, where guns (and the people behind them), are a huge problem.

early bird of the summer you'll fly south just as the fall begins

Today is the chilliest day we've had so far. I know it'll get colder and it won't be enjoyable anymore, but I don't miss summer or being hot all the time. I do miss popsicles, road trips, bare legs, getting to play with kids and babies, trains and buses that we're not entirely sure are going to make it to where we're trying to go, and football on the beach. My life dream would be to travel during the fall. Hot drinks from every town.

just because i adore this photo and the people in it...

...and it was taken on the perfect indian summer day. It was the first time we woke up and it felt like autumn was ready to take over, but in the end summer prevailed and the day became a little too warm for this flannel shirt that I wear like an over-spirited miscreant on camping trips and chilly mornings. The day involved morning college football (I'm not interested in college football, but in the beginning of the season, I'm interested in any football), pie from my favorite little pie shop that everybody now knows about but still won't get air conditioning despite blazing ovens, a street fair involving this age-undetermined kid named Marty who dissed all who played his game, and tacos. The evening was rainy and spent quietly with tea and homework. Perfect.

kicking off christmas?

I spent Thanksgiving with with an old friend's family. We watched Tangled and the TV show Revenge (it's addicting). We spent a lot of time laughing, cooking, and eating together. Now it's time for some studying. Two more weeks of school left! I'm very excited.

This also means it's officially the Christmas season. I painted my nails Trophy Wife by Essie in celebration. If there are a few simple things I like, it's the Christmas season (the entire season, not just the day), colorful nails (I think it may help me stay awake), and cool nail polish names. It's not something I do a lot, because I end up having to do it a few times since I inevitably don't wait long enough for it to dry and it gets chipped and dented somehow. New strategy: paint and then go to sleep. So far the only way that has worked. Plan B: Get disposable income, go to nail salon. Although I feel like that's not something I would really do anyway. Make that Plan F.

don't write, don't call, i'll see you in the fall

Because I totally missed it. The beginning of November has been a struggle. It's been the Histology exam, and Biochemistry tomorrow, and Physiology Tuesday, and two Anatomy exams next week. It's been bright yellow yarn for a scarf. It's been feeling happy for letters sealed with tape in a cloud envelope. It's been good coffee and weird coffee from my coffeemaker. It's been my warm apartment. It's been cozy coffeeshops and sterile 24-hour-Starbucks-but-we-need somewhere we can study at 4 AM. It's been grateful for the extra hour. It's been enchanting and terrible simultaneously. Hello, November.

one last october morning

Dad: Jocelyn, guess what?! I accidentally started a pumpkin patch.
Me: Accidentally?
Dad: Yeah! One day, a pumpkin started growing and then I cut out the stem, but they kept growing!
Me: How did it even start growing?
Dad: I don't know. There must have been a seed in the soil I got.

The pumpkins don't look like the ones in the picture, which I got from here. They are green and yellow spotted, "much prettier looking than regular orange pumpkins," according to my dad. Leave it to my dad to have a pumpkin issue. I believe it's karma for never letting me have a glow-in-the-dark pumpkin patch when I was a kid.

cozy season.

[picture from here]

One of the reasons I love seasons, even in the miserable cold, is an excuse to get cozy. I remember last winter, when I was a birthday party planner (oh, the part time jobs I could describe), I woke up and looked outside my window. I have a large balcony-like sliding door that looks out to the skyline. It has curtains but I never close them unless I need to keep the cold out (seriously) because although there is a large tree obstructing most of the view, the skyline is a constant reminder of where I am and maybe to some extent, who I am. So I wake up and look out the window, which is, almost without variation, the first thing I do in the morning. There is snow coming down horizontally and with a vengeance.

I'm thinking to myself, this party has got to be canceled. People don't go outside in this weather. Except that they do. And I know this. But whenever there is any weather aberration, I feel hope that everything in the day will be canceled. This has thus far only happened once (the blizzard of 20+ inch snow). I bundled up in a shirt, sweatshirt, fleece jacket, snuggie, and winter jacket. Yes, I was sweating on the walk there. But here's my point: we put up with that kind of weather because first, everyone is so happy to arrive. That's all it takes to cause joy. Arrival: I have made it and now I can be warm.

And secondly, there are nights like tonight: cup of coffee, rainstorm outside and a big blanket thrown over your shoulders to talk with some friends or listen to some lectures. I really love it.

greatness.

I am so, so, so excited for tomorrow night's game. Also, nervous. One of my non-basketball-fan friends (who is so far removed that he thought the game was tonight) is, I am sure, wondering why I am so nervous. (He didn't specifically ask as we were discussing it...)

Here's the thing. Monday night's game was amazing (I watched it with my brother in a Thai restaurant with two cops because he is too young to get into bars and we don't have a TV. The cops are unrelated to all that). But, the Miami Heat are a talented team. Maybe even great. Great as in greatness potential, not like great, slightly better than good. And we pissed them off. Which was necessary because we are great too. I mean, we dominated them completely. When greatness gets dominated, though, it comes back angry and vengeful. And all that will be tomorrow.

we are the lucky ones

My birthday was yesterday. It always makes me feel like this, because although I don't always get to do everything I want and have to do a lot of things I don't want, I try to and usually succeed in living every day like it's my birthday:

And that's because of the people. The people who have been there for me these past few months. We don't treat each other perfectly. But we do the best we can and I think birthdays are reminders to make every day feel like your friends' birthdays. That may be the easiest way I can sum up how to treat each other.

And while sharing music, these are two of my all-time favorite songs. Seriously. I never thought I'd be able to pick anything less than 82 songs, but here are two:

all i will say about the shame that was the game on sunday

Dear Jay,
We could have used you... you know, in the game, as opposed to on the sidelines? Because, as you may have deduced from personal experience, the quarterback is like a major part of the offense. But what do I know, I'm just the girl who walked around with a sprained ankle for two months.

N.B. Through various calculations, I deem that the length of time I suffered compared to yours (2 months vs. 1.5 hours) compensates for the intensity of your physical activity compared to mine (having 200-350 pound men running at you vs. walking, running, tripping, falling, swimming, and yoga).

I'm not mad. And I know you are getting a lot of heat, both from people who know nothing about professional athletics (Chicagoans who would've loved to see our men in the Superbowl) and people who do know (other coaches and players). But I was just wondering where you were. I mean, mentally, because I did see you, physically, on the sidelines.

Regards,
J

december never felt so long; you're not where you belong, inside my arms

via whiskeysoaked

This is what I look like in the winter. Not. Maybe the blanket-esque shawl over the head. All the same, there's something I find extremely captivating about this woman. Sure, the picture looks pretty, but those of us who experience real climate changes know that a real winter? A real winter is not pretty. But she is determined. It seems spirited, haughty, and defiant of winter. I admire that in a woman, especially during the winter. (As long as she doesn't complain. We can forgive someone who can't walk in the shoes she decided to wear that day, but there's nothing worse than being subjected to listen to her own decision failures.)

Until then, the rest of us can sit inside with our Frango Cafe Collection Limited Edition Chocolates (Macy's). Mine was a much-needed, sweet gift that includes Coffee, Caramel Macchiato, and Marshmallow Hot Chocolate varieties in an attractively color-palatted box. And we can ponder how these images of winter are so incongruous with our actual experiences of it. (Actually, I love winter, usually. But that's for another post, another time.)

photo by photoriel

photo by visbeek

you don't need a man, you need a space heater.

a really, really good investment that will not cause you grief. today, my winter gear was accused of being insufficient. the ONE day i don't wear a cardigan, a fleece, a sweatshirt, and my winter jacket. so apparently, space heaters do cause overconfidence in one's ability to thermoregulate.

no rules, just live life

Middle picture from here.

There are no pictures from this weekend, as most weekends go. Although I do wish I had a smaller camera to take around, I also can recognize that most of the time, it's a good thing for things to live on in memory, or pieced together with the combined memory of another friend. I ended up really running out of time to put together a costume, so although I was going for the top picture, it ended up being more like the bottom one (aka dressed pretty much as myself).
So much fun with some of my best friends three separate nights spaced in between working. There was sexy casual night, band night (amazing watching the friend who has serenaded you to sleep on the couch with his guitar play on a bigger stage), and picking up the bartenders afternoon. Too many stories. The way it should be, no?

october 26/27

Most of the time, I'm pretty sure my mom is some sort of Asian, modern-day Jacqueline Kennedy. One thing: she doesn't photograph well. So I guess, in that sense, she isn't. Because Jackie has never taken a bad picture. (But anyway, it's just a matter of keeping your eyes open) In general, I would say that mother-daughter dynamics are interesting and my relationship with my mom has evolved significantly from when I was a kid. But since the time that I could make observations, I've believed that she is one of the most graceful, poised, intelligent, hard-working, and funniest people I know.

Plus, she has to put up with this goofball, who yesterday, on her birthday, asked her, "Where do you want to go eat dinner for your birthday tomorrow?"

Well. To be fair, they have to put up with each other. And "technically", her birthday is the 27th. I'm just going to leave that unexplained.

the moon like a spotlight on the lake

This morning was exactly what the title of this blog is all about. You see, I have a view of our beautiful skyline. Almost. There is a large tree obstructing it. But since the leaves have been falling, the view through my see-through curtains becomes less and less obstructed each day. A good question is why my curtains are white and see-through- I took down the outer dark, drab curtains that actually serve to curtainize my windows and have yet to put up real ones that function. Which I'm starting to think should be done soon because I have this theory that my room is so cold because it's coming in through the windows.

This is not my view, seeing as I do not live in a CTA Blue Line stop (and for that I am thankful), but it's a picture I took last fall (apparently September 13).

Not only for the almost-view, but it is one of those mornings in which the sun is attempting to break through the clouds but not being so successful. I find it perfect. And furthermore, waking up to e-mails about the fun plans in the works for tonight and an e-mail entitled "Bella!" ("Beautiful")

And also knitting for half an hour to this song on repeat:

But mostly, waking up to friends asking whether a goatee should be grown out or shaved and about second dates being bad in bed. Right, because of my excessive knowledge of facial hair, I am the person to ask about that; or maybe the question was posed due to my friend's knowledge of my extremely strong opinions on facial hair. And then I get a text that will throw a wrench into the kid's party I'm running this weekend and it's back to reality and off to work. One October morning.

Fall Fashion Love Letter

For some reason, I thought that I had saved a lot more pictures of examples of fall fashion that I love, but seeing as how I had not, this will probably end up being part one. First: gold jewelry. I used to love silver, but for the past few yeasr, I've been all about brass and gold. Especially gold. I love things that are "tough" and gold. Like the snake above, or beetles, geometric shapes. The exception of silver I love is a bracelet my friend brought me back from Egypt that clasps as an Ankh. It's a rusty silver and I adore it.
Cowls. I can't wait to knit one, maybe two. I think I'm going to use this yarn that I bought last year and used to make a hat. I can't take apart the hat anymore, even though it's way too big for my head, but there is plenty of leftover yarn, maybe enough to make a small cowl?

Interesting backs to shirts and dresses. Backs are sexy.
Rompers. I tried this one on (from Urban Outfitters) and it is fantastic. I didn't get it, but I do have two in my wardrobe.
I saw a knit sweater like this at a church rummage sale before I even saw this picture. I almost bought the sweater, until I talked myself out of it due to the realization of how absolutely ridiculous I looked swimming in this sweater.
That said, oversized sweaters and scarves. Oversized anything. Comfortable and chic.

Love geometry in fashion. But look at those shoes. I would die if I had those shoes. And then I would asked to be buried in them.
Aztec/Mayan/Indian prints of any kind. Tribal anything... I'm not discriminatory.