in which i type all the lyrics

come up to meet you, tell you i'm sorry
you don't know how lovely you are
i had to find you, tell you i need you
tell you i set you apart

so tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
and oh, let's go back to the start
running in circles, chasing our tails

heads on a silence apart

nobody said it was easy
no one ever said it would be so hard
i am going back to the start

i was just guessing at numbers and figures
pulling your puzzles apart

questions of science
science and progress
do not speak as loud as my heart

so tell me you love me
oh, come back and haunt me
when i rush to the start

running in circles, chasing our tails
coming back as we are.

election day 2012

This year's election has been so much important to me than his first election. Perhaps because I'm older now. Perhaps because I've learned more. Perhaps because I've seen more of the world and the country. In his first election, his hope to change healthcare was my (and perhaps one of his) primary concern. He had relatively neutral stances toward abortion, gay rights, and social issues that could alienate him. I think he stepped up and he spoke up, so perhaps it's things like this that convince me that there really is a lot at stake here. There are people who are fed up with the emotional appeals of the candidates, but I think that's because a lot of people see their lives and their rights at a crossroads. And as a woman, I have the same sense. And then, how can it not be emotional? And the there's this and I can't even:

"I was so moved and inspired by Michelle Obama’s speech. Brian and I watched it with the kids. While Michelle talked our daughter asked “Can a woman be president?” YES! I replied emphatically. And then I got tears in my eyes thinking about how furious I am that we still live in a world where a little girl isn’t sure about that."

please advise

Some things to smile about on a gloomy Monday morning involving searching for holiday plane tickets (incredibly depressing if you don't have endless funds) and picornaviruses (somewhat depressing except for the fact that polio has been nearly eradicated worldwide, which is, actually, a very bright spot in the history of public health). The sun hasn't shone in a couple days but it's weird, I love this weather.

miles davis and bitches brew

november goals

1. Eat vegetables, 4-5 servings a day (fruit comes easily to me).
2. Read (from a book).
3. Do something creative.
4. Read a research article.
5. Print pictures.
6. Get to routinely exercising three times a week.
7. Start getting projects settled.
8. Try beer at Map Room. 

I am working on a variety of projects his month and this year in general involving pediatrics, surgery, and other general medicine-related interests. I've been working a lot on testing out what works and what doesn't for me when trying to get things done. Goals are helpful, especially for longevity and consistency, when it's easy to forget what the long-term benefits to monotonous daily tasks are. Hummus is helpful for eating vegetables. Coffee is helpful. Inspiration is helpful, which I get from listening to music, talking to people, and reading.

#1-3 are things I want to do every day. Hummus has been helpful for #1. #4 and #6 is something I'm trying to do nearly every day. And #8 is something I'm going to avoid doing every day.

on sufficiency and continuing on

The first thing you should know about Poland is that on their street signs that list where a road is taking you, you will often find orange tape crossing out cities. On some signs, every single city has been crossed out by orange tape. These signs were built for more permanence than roads were. When I first saw this, I burst out laughing. I didn’t quite know what it meant, but at the same time I knew exactly what it meant: these roads don’t go there anymore. (And we will indicate this with tape because we can’t be bothered to make new signs reflecting our new paths and our new directions.) When I asked Mateusz about this, he smiled, but didn’t quite understand the hilarity with which I viewed the seemingly unofficial treatment given to rather important roads. He told me that they are constantly trying to change (and theoretically, improve) the roads that cross the city, but that they weren’t really able to keep up with themselves.

Didn’t people get mad that one morning they could wake up and the road leading to their workplace, the grocery store, their grandmother’s house, had just been eliminated with no further explanation than a piece of tape? Furthermore, I have tape. I have time on my hands. Could I just go out there and really mess something up? I know that where I’m from, people take their commutes to work seriously. They have them planned to the minute. But Mateusz didn’t seem to think this was an issue. So it takes longer to get somewhere than you expect. So a strip of orange tape has now changed the course of your day. Figure it out. Move on. Get where you’re going.

By this point, I had already grown accustomed to this way of continuing on. Sometimes, you’re walking down the street and it just ends with no warning, not even an orange tape. It’s not a big deal, you see, as you walk back from where you came and start again. You simply continue on. This sort of adaptability was one of the most important lessons I learned from traveling in eastern Europe. Buses and trains were on a time schedule, so they say, but I was the only one who ever seemed surprised if they didn’t come for a half hour. In the sometimes mind-numbing waits, images of home would hurtle across my memory: jumping off the bus and running through the train station only to miss the train by 30 seconds. There would be less of that here.

I still remember my first moments in Warsaw. I stepped out of the plane and panicked. Instantly. I think that was one of the more terrifying moments of my life, including the time that a fake patient I interviewed for practice started crying when telling me that her husband left her. Including that. For the journey to Warsaw, I had put on a USA shirt with the five Olympic rings because it is one of my most comfortable shirts, but had a few moments of regret over it. Like, great job assimilating with the global community, self. But as the plane landed and I speed-walked to the exit of the airport, I was glad I was wearing it. I knew nothing about Milena, but she knew I was from the United States. I made strange eye contact with everyone walking into the airport hoping they would come save me from a month of destitution in the streets of Warsaw, languageless, until I could fly home 6 weeks later. I couldn’t find anybody. I decided to try and find another exit. Although I turned the corner and eventually saw a crowd of people waiting where I assume was the official exit after landing. Being in the right place didn’t help me much with my problem of not being able to recognize Milena, but I decided to let my shirt do the talking. Sure enough, a guy with an Italian accent came up to me and said Milena was getting coffee and would be right back. I know, this is probably somewhere in the plotline of the movie Taken, but it turned out that Kamil was not Italian, but Polish, which was shocking, and his girlfriend, Milena, really had gone to get a few cups of coffee. 

From that point forward, every day for the rest of the month was about being completely open to making adjustments and really learning how to go with the flow. Streets ending, trains stalling, waiting for people. Actually going with the flow, not just pretending to. Every now and then I’m caught up in being a control freak. Every now and then meaning all the time. Every now and then I’ll go to the gym and look out the window from the third floor. Every now and then meaning, just yesterday. My gym overlooks the city skyline and expressway. I saw that there were some large green signs that appeared to have fallen over. I looked closer, thinking those signs should have been built to withstand more. Then I realized, they were packed up in carts. The new signs directing the highway had already been put up. I couldn’t help but think, what a waste. Wouldn’t a simple piece of tape crossing out the old sign have been sufficient?

early bird of the summer you'll fly south just as the fall begins

Today is the chilliest day we've had so far. I know it'll get colder and it won't be enjoyable anymore, but I don't miss summer or being hot all the time. I do miss popsicles, road trips, bare legs, getting to play with kids and babies, trains and buses that we're not entirely sure are going to make it to where we're trying to go, and football on the beach. My life dream would be to travel during the fall. Hot drinks from every town.

the advent of the seasons

This morning: some white tea with rosebuds. Even though it was hard to wake up this morning, I can't wait to start the day now. In return for single-handedly fixing my sleeping habits (it's a process) and making me love the idea of staying put and being home with groceries, I am excited to show you the seasons, how we change with each one and anticipate the next. In a way, something you've been missing out on for a long, long time.

The ways we prepare ourselves and take it in stride. It's industrial, in touch with reality, and full of life as we hold on and try to squeeze every last drop from our favorite times. I love that about the people here. And I love easy brunches, morning walks, a stop by the coffeeshop to get some work done, pumpkin gelato, and grocery shopping. Let's end our days with tea and a hot shower more often.

And then start again.