"We gotta start teaching our daughters to be somebodies instead of somebody's" -Kifah Shah

I don't know what that involves, but something tells me that it starts with books.

I've spent a lot of time with kids and their parents, which leads me to thinking about how to raise a daughter, or a son. But more pressing, how do I raise myself? At a certain point, my parents' job was over, but the responsibility was passed onto me. I am still working on, well, everything. I still have bad days and get mad at everybody. There's truth to what I say, but it's the incomplete truth, full of only the mean stuff and none of the good. The people who suffer it forgive me easier than I forgive myself. So those days still happen. Less now than before, I hope. I still have days during which I eat indiscriminate Mexican food from the cafeteria instead of the salad bar. But more and more, I am making it a priority to make my own food because I like knowing where things come from. Indiscriminate and undetermined are adjectives that should not be used to describe what I put in my body, but that will happen sometimes because sour cream can mask all uncertain flavors that make me question... a lot of things about my decision-making capacity. 

I want to be conscious of these things but also there's more to it. This brings me back to books. So, absolutely nobody has asked me for advice on living a better life and this makes complete sense to me. See above. Life is a mess. But if I could give a piece of advice, primarily to myself, I think it would involve something like, Get a library card. Then get some books- about anything- and read them. Develop curiosity and sense of creativity.

So that's what I'm going for here. I want to figure out how I make everything I do something that makes me better. I am trying to use up everything I have, each day. I want to balance out creating things with my studying. I'm starting to view studying as an activity that helps me more knowledgeable. I guess that was supposed to be obvious. But for so long, it's been something that is obligatory to not fail tests. Now, it is beginning to feel like storing up reserves so that I can help make people better. And that's important to me. Last week was the beginning of this process for me and I hope to continue building on it this week.

whoop! whoop! here i go!

from Humans of New York
I discovered this man in a crowded subway car. When he reached his stop, he pressed himself against the wall, and with a wave of his hand, politely allowed everyone else to exit before him, saying: “Off you go! Off you go!” When it was his turn to exit, he said: “Whoop Whoop! Here I go!”

autumn reflections

 

These pictures are just some views from around here the second week of October. I was in the midst of exams and just stopped to breathe. It's my perpetual downfall, this looking around taking it all in thing. November was a good month for me. Lots of time spent with kids (at home and in clinics), knitting, tea, movies, and reading (Mansfield Park by Jane Austen). There was cooking and trying new places to eat, and friends. We are still working out some things, but doing so happily and feeling lucky for the opportunity.

I saw a lot of movies in October and November. Because I traditionally haven't been good at really sitting down and committing a few hours to a movie, I'm really proud of my list:

Boondock Saints
Fargo
Argo
Looper
The Tourist
How Do You Know
Slumdog Millionaire

in which i type all the lyrics

come up to meet you, tell you i'm sorry
you don't know how lovely you are
i had to find you, tell you i need you
tell you i set you apart

so tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
and oh, let's go back to the start
running in circles, chasing our tails

heads on a silence apart

nobody said it was easy
no one ever said it would be so hard
i am going back to the start

i was just guessing at numbers and figures
pulling your puzzles apart

questions of science
science and progress
do not speak as loud as my heart

so tell me you love me
oh, come back and haunt me
when i rush to the start

running in circles, chasing our tails
coming back as we are.

election day 2012

This year's election has been so much important to me than his first election. Perhaps because I'm older now. Perhaps because I've learned more. Perhaps because I've seen more of the world and the country. In his first election, his hope to change healthcare was my (and perhaps one of his) primary concern. He had relatively neutral stances toward abortion, gay rights, and social issues that could alienate him. I think he stepped up and he spoke up, so perhaps it's things like this that convince me that there really is a lot at stake here. There are people who are fed up with the emotional appeals of the candidates, but I think that's because a lot of people see their lives and their rights at a crossroads. And as a woman, I have the same sense. And then, how can it not be emotional? And the there's this and I can't even:

"I was so moved and inspired by Michelle Obama’s speech. Brian and I watched it with the kids. While Michelle talked our daughter asked “Can a woman be president?” YES! I replied emphatically. And then I got tears in my eyes thinking about how furious I am that we still live in a world where a little girl isn’t sure about that."

please advise

Some things to smile about on a gloomy Monday morning involving searching for holiday plane tickets (incredibly depressing if you don't have endless funds) and picornaviruses (somewhat depressing except for the fact that polio has been nearly eradicated worldwide, which is, actually, a very bright spot in the history of public health). The sun hasn't shone in a couple days but it's weird, I love this weather.

miles davis and bitches brew

november goals

1. Eat vegetables, 4-5 servings a day (fruit comes easily to me).
2. Read (from a book).
3. Do something creative.
4. Read a research article.
5. Print pictures.
6. Get to routinely exercising three times a week.
7. Start getting projects settled.
8. Try beer at Map Room. 

I am working on a variety of projects his month and this year in general involving pediatrics, surgery, and other general medicine-related interests. I've been working a lot on testing out what works and what doesn't for me when trying to get things done. Goals are helpful, especially for longevity and consistency, when it's easy to forget what the long-term benefits to monotonous daily tasks are. Hummus is helpful for eating vegetables. Coffee is helpful. Inspiration is helpful, which I get from listening to music, talking to people, and reading.

#1-3 are things I want to do every day. Hummus has been helpful for #1. #4 and #6 is something I'm trying to do nearly every day. And #8 is something I'm going to avoid doing every day.