Sunday, December 6, 2015

a long drive through the dark night, it was just like dreaming


It appears that between the years of 2011-2013 (March), I "tweeted" somewhat voraciously (maybe before that too but I didn't want to scroll back further). I remember making it private and thinking that it would be a repository for thoughts, quotes, song lyrics, and the like, so that when I remembered it, it would be interesting to look back on things. Not sure what I was hoping to gain by looking back on things, but anyway... GOOD PLAN, SELF. Because I proceeded to forget about Twitter for about 3.75 years until a fateful December night (tonight). So there I was, sitting in bed, once again browsing Airbnb properties that I will likely never find myself in, as they are mostly farmhouses in rural Wisconsin, converting myself to night shift (trying to stay up all night so I can sleep tomorrow). And I got an e-mail about how some app company re-tweeted a few of my posts. And I was like, Twitter?! What's that?

Well anyway, it only took me two tries to guess my password and then I was IN. Reading back on everything was mostly terrifying because everything was written late at night in medical school; most were likely written when I was cold, too. And you never know what's going to come out of your mouth when you are cold and desperate to sleep. I think they capture the feelings in my life at that point really well. Working really hard, falling in love, lucky to have friends who are hilarious and sweet, battles with being able to fall asleep and stay awake during appropriate times, occasionally feeling overtaken by fear, and often being taken over by a feeling of needing to eat popcorn. Now that I think about it, as different as things seem on the surface, I don't know that that many things are different. I'm not technically a student anymore, but let's be honest, I'm always a student. I'm still terrified and get lost in what everything is supposed to be about. I still feel perplexed by death (and now I've seen it happen in front of me a few times), I'm still falling in love and eating popcorn and checking the weather hoping for rain. But, I take care of more things now. I get paid for my ability to manipulate sleep and not sleep. And importantly, I have a dog who is not entirely convinced he is a dog.

I guess that's enough differences between then and now to wonder what this means because I don't remember reading the book that Google says it is from.

"they happen in our lives like car crashes,
books that change us, neighborhoods
we move into and come to love."

1 comment:

Unknown said...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnPMoAb4y8U

Try A Little Tenderness