Tuesday, January 29, 2013

into the light of the dark black night


One More Cup Of Coffee
picture by KatieAnnOwens

Maybe the first time an image has every embodied the ultimate goal of my life. Coffee, books, mountains, and a really cozy blanket. Probably something in the oven. At the moment, I can't figure out what is in there, a batch of cookies or a hearty meal. Here, we say "I love you back" instead of "I love you too" because it's better or maybe just because it's new. There's this moment in the song Blackbird that I get really concerned because it feels like the song is ending. Even though 1:36 is too short for a song to end, it seems like it could end there because that was a good 1 minute and 36 seconds. But you need just one more Blackbird singing in the dark of night to come after into the light of the dark black night. And when the music continues at 1:45, it's like, thank god. No matter how drowsy I am after playing the song over and over again before I go to bed, my breath catches a little bit at 1:36 and releases at 1:45.  (When I am too tired to read, I sleep on the right side of the bed and my computer sits on the left side, playing me Blackbird or Moon River). That's how I feel about the mountains.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

kiwi's big adventure






































This afternoon was rainy, icy and quiet. I didn't get as much schoolwork done as I had wanted, which is the story of my life but I think I needed a break. I still plan on getting more done later in the night. Instead I tried a green tea called Kiwi's Big Adventure. I definitely need to try some more before I can give a final recommendation because it was quite flavorful and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. I really love earthy green teas but I think I'm coming around to flavored ones too. I don't know how I feel about the "artificial flavoring" probably because there is a shroud of mystery around the term "artificial flavoring" and I don't know what that is. Next time I may need to take a better look at the ingredients and pick one without that.









Tea: Kiwi's Big Adventure
Steeping: 1 tsp per cup, Steep 2-3 min in 180 F water.
Ingredients: Green tea, apple, kiwi, lemon grass, lemon peel, artificial flavoring

Description: This kiwi-spiked green tea is a real treat. From the second the aroma hits you, you know you're in for something special. Sweet, fruity, tart and lively, it's an adventure you won't soon forget.

Other: My brother is currently trying to talk his way out of getting new dress pants, presumably with my mom. I can only imagine what she is saying, "I know you have a really dark black pair but you need one that is less black, for casual dressy situations." Sorry for the facetiousness, Mom. I'm not sure what point my brother is trying to make in his half-Chinese, half-English, "It's less common to wear dress-pants because they don't go with other clothes!"

"Alright. Bye." He hung up the phone and I know he has lost the battle.

"Jocelyn, they want me to wear dresspants over my jeans." Now, I knew that they (probably) didn't just think of that idea and it had been a compromise, poorly executed, like that story in the Bible about the baby you have to either cut in half or just let the other person take the whole thing. My parents are definitely in the cutting the baby in half camp.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

what became of the day and the pictures






So I absolutely know how to take pictures that are not via Instagram.Unfortunately, I don't know how to get any pictures from my phone onto my computer. Rather, I think I know but I don't know that I know. Furthermore, as I attempted to upload pictures from my camera (the actual one) onto my computer about an hour ago, I somehow deleted all but 7-ish of all the pictures I took since October. This includes: pictures of the pumpkin we carved (it was the Chicago skyline, by which I mean, some rectangles of differing sizes next to each other- no, ambition is not our fault), some cool date pictures (like, actually cool), Roland the dog and other pictures from Miami, scarf pictures, and some of projects. I decided to try not to be upset about it since I'm sure much more upsetting things will be happening in the near future. I instead poured through some cookbooks and I'm now just about ready to start thinking about dinner. So anyway, that's why Instagram is happening. I decided to embrace it and the fact that it's helping me keep up with pictures and life.

Here is my Instagram. I don't know anybody on it with the exception of one person because I don't want to connect it to my Facebook and also I don't know how to find anybody- am I Instagram-profiling if I search for certain people that I feel might have Instagram? Anyway, feel free to follow, although I'm not sure why you would want to, as the pictures appear accidentally taken and the commentary isn't snarky.

I was pretty excited that it started snowing yesterday. But then this morning outdid yesterday's efforts- there were beautiful, large, puffy flakes coming down and I caught Alex gravitating toward the window more than once. He came over this morning to make pumpkin cookies with me (recipe forthcoming). We also made some of the new tea that I got. It was wintry, peaceful, warm (thanks, oven; no thanks to you, heater), and all felt right in the world.

In the last picture, Alex's hair? The best. I try not to make a big deal of it because I am obviously too cool and his head already too big for that, but his morning hair, which often becomes his whole day hair, is the best. He tells people it's his hat hair but I suspect it's just his hair.

today was coffee, tomorrow is fresh tea and pumpkin cookies


just a few notes.

Today is for feeling strong and smart. Exercising and studying. The only creative thing I did today was make envelopes for some cards I'm trying to send. That's enough. Raspberries will forever remind me of Kayla and the way she ate raspberries, which was by sticking her index finger into the top and plopping it on her tongue. I eat them late at night and nearly forget the last one (with some Honeybush tea that I'm trying to steep so it's strong enough for me). I'm managing to pack enough food to last me during the day until I can get home eight hours later and even though it's not, I think it's pretty cool. I think it's pretty sad that there is a whole separate women's fitness industry- separate gyms and activities- perhaps because women don't feel safe and comfortable working out at the same gyms as men? That level of discomfort and invasion of privacy is not okay. Going to a gym to find like-minded women who enjoy the same workouts you do is okay. But a woman lifting heavy weights is awesome. And waking up warm is a much better way to start out the day.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Week of 1/14



 This post is intended to look back on my endeavors from last week as part of my goal to do something creative every day. I think the hat is actually from the second week of January. This week, I:

Knit: Made armwarmers... until I ran out of yarn. Then started designing some legwarmers that are appropriate for my lifestyle of the past two years, which involves wearing a lot of leggings and not a lot of pants. The cold winter air gets into my boots. Also took out this blanket to begin thinking about what steps I can take to complete it.

Cooked: "Healthy Picadillo." It wasn't too complicated, involved some peppers, carrots, raisins, onions, garlic, tomato sauce, wine, balsamic vinegar. And it was amazing. I didn't eat out all week until Friday (Chipotle) and Saturday afternoon (Nookie's) so that I could work out, which lasted for two meals.

Read: Got a bunch of cookbooks from the library, per my advice to myself. Continued reading American Chinatown by Bonnie Tsui. It's due in 8 days so I need to get on that. I've already started reading The Good Women of China, but decided to finish American Chinatown first.

Watched: Zero Dark 30.

Wrote: Hopefully something I can finish up this week. Also changed my blog a little bit so I would feel more tempted to use it.

Took some pictures: I actually downloaded Instagram on Friday thinking that it would help me get pictures from my phone onto my computer more easily. 

Working out: Twice. I want to get to three eventually. Backsquat 105 (3), Deadlift 155 (1)

"We gotta start teaching our daughters to be somebodies instead of somebody's" -Kifah Shah

I don't know what that involves, but something tells me that it starts with books.

I've spent a lot of time with kids and their parents, which leads me to thinking about how to raise a daughter, or a son. But more pressing, how do I raise myself? At a certain point, my parents' job was over, but the responsibility was passed onto me. I am still working on, well, everything. I still have bad days and get mad at everybody. There's truth to what I say, but it's the incomplete truth, full of only the mean stuff and none of the good. The people who suffer it forgive me easier than I forgive myself. So those days still happen. Less now than before, I hope. I still have days during which I eat indiscriminate Mexican food from the cafeteria instead of the salad bar. But more and more, I am making it a priority to make my own food because I like knowing where things come from. Indiscriminate and undetermined are adjectives that should not be used to describe what I put in my body, but that will happen sometimes because sour cream can mask all uncertain flavors that make me question... a lot of things about my decision-making capacity. 

I want to be conscious of these things but also there's more to it. This brings me back to books. So, absolutely nobody has asked me for advice on living a better life and this makes complete sense to me. See above. Life is a mess. But if I could give a piece of advice, primarily to myself, I think it would involve something like, Get a library card. Then get some books- about anything- and read them. Develop curiosity and sense of creativity.

So that's what I'm going for here. I want to figure out how I make everything I do something that makes me better. I am trying to use up everything I have, each day. I want to balance out creating things with my studying. I'm starting to view studying as an activity that helps me more knowledgeable. I guess that was supposed to be obvious. But for so long, it's been something that is obligatory to not fail tests. Now, it is beginning to feel like storing up reserves so that I can help make people better. And that's important to me. Last week was the beginning of this process for me and I hope to continue building on it this week.