dreams.

Last night I had a dream that I had to take Step 2 (an 8 hour exam) on May 31, which I was somehow unaware that I had signed up for. I kept thinking to myself that it was weird I signed up so early for it, as most people take it in September. I also thought it was strange that I hadn't studied at all for it and began panicking. Furthermore, my computer froze, the monitor stopped working, and I had to look off a TV screen that was in the corner of the room to read the questions. At this point, I finally decided that these testing conditions were unacceptable and told the preceptor I would be taking it instead in a month, although he wanted me to just start over on a different computer.

As it turns out, I will never stop having school nightmares. This seems appropriate, as school will apparently never end.

things i absolutely need to do this weekend:

1. Interview tomorrow
2. Babysit Saturday
3. Painting class Sunday
4. Work out.
5. Be caught up in class.
6. Make thank you cards.
7. Grocery shop.
8. Clean my bathroom.
9. Fold my clothes.
10. Clean floors.
11.  Order textbooks.
12. Wash linens.

I guess here's where I say something that solidifies my old woman status, but I don't even care and have fully embraced who I am. Who I am is someone ready for productivity and studying super hard. My last claim to young womanhood- I have no kids so I feel like all the chores I need to do combined should take 30-45 minutes. I know some people having babies now, and they're cute, and I'm sure they wouldn't want their lives any other way, but man I am happy when I think about how easy my apartment is to clean because there is no child who just smashed cheese on the walls, which I have cleaned off walls before and is not so fun to do. Or when I can somewhat irresponsibly and spontaneously spend $15 on coffee each week because that won't be the difference between whether my baby can eat for the day or not, I can't help but think... FREEDOM!

dear bottomless coffee,

Will I ever sleep again? Or will I just be eating a lot of stinky cheese under the guise that it is about to go bad even though I Googled that cheese is usually fine for two weeks after the Sell By date and it's only been 5 days?

Sincerely,
Jocelyn

what became of the day and the pictures

So I absolutely know how to take pictures that are not via Instagram.Unfortunately, I don't know how to get any pictures from my phone onto my computer. Rather, I think I know but I don't know that I know. Furthermore, as I attempted to upload pictures from my camera (the actual one) onto my computer about an hour ago, I somehow deleted all but 7-ish of all the pictures I took since October. This includes: pictures of the pumpkin we carved (it was the Chicago skyline, by which I mean, some rectangles of differing sizes next to each other- no, ambition is not our fault), some cool date pictures (like, actually cool), Roland the dog and other pictures from Miami, scarf pictures, and some of projects. I decided to try not to be upset about it since I'm sure much more upsetting things will be happening in the near future. I instead poured through some cookbooks and I'm now just about ready to start thinking about dinner. So anyway, that's why Instagram is happening. I decided to embrace it and the fact that it's helping me keep up with pictures and life.

Here is my Instagram. I don't know anybody on it with the exception of one person because I don't want to connect it to my Facebook and also I don't know how to find anybody- am I Instagram-profiling if I search for certain people that I feel might have Instagram? Anyway, feel free to follow, although I'm not sure why you would want to, as the pictures appear accidentally taken and the commentary isn't snarky.

I was pretty excited that it started snowing yesterday. But then this morning outdid yesterday's efforts- there were beautiful, large, puffy flakes coming down and I caught Alex gravitating toward the window more than once. He came over this morning to make pumpkin cookies with me (recipe forthcoming). We also made some of the new tea that I got. It was wintry, peaceful, warm (thanks, oven; no thanks to you, heater), and all felt right in the world.

In the last picture, Alex's hair? The best. I try not to make a big deal of it because I am obviously too cool and his head already too big for that, but his morning hair, which often becomes his whole day hair, is the best. He tells people it's his hat hair but I suspect it's just his hair.

today was coffee, tomorrow is fresh tea and pumpkin cookies

just a few notes.

Today is for feeling strong and smart. Exercising and studying. The only creative thing I did today was make envelopes for some cards I'm trying to send. That's enough. Raspberries will forever remind me of Kayla and the way she ate raspberries, which was by sticking her index finger into the top and plopping it on her tongue. I eat them late at night and nearly forget the last one (with some Honeybush tea that I'm trying to steep so it's strong enough for me). I'm managing to pack enough food to last me during the day until I can get home eight hours later and even though it's not, I think it's pretty cool. I think it's pretty sad that there is a whole separate women's fitness industry- separate gyms and activities- perhaps because women don't feel safe and comfortable working out at the same gyms as men? That level of discomfort and invasion of privacy is not okay. Going to a gym to find like-minded women who enjoy the same workouts you do is okay. But a woman lifting heavy weights is awesome. And waking up warm is a much better way to start out the day.

election day 2012

This year's election has been so much important to me than his first election. Perhaps because I'm older now. Perhaps because I've learned more. Perhaps because I've seen more of the world and the country. In his first election, his hope to change healthcare was my (and perhaps one of his) primary concern. He had relatively neutral stances toward abortion, gay rights, and social issues that could alienate him. I think he stepped up and he spoke up, so perhaps it's things like this that convince me that there really is a lot at stake here. There are people who are fed up with the emotional appeals of the candidates, but I think that's because a lot of people see their lives and their rights at a crossroads. And as a woman, I have the same sense. And then, how can it not be emotional? And the there's this and I can't even:

"I was so moved and inspired by Michelle Obama’s speech. Brian and I watched it with the kids. While Michelle talked our daughter asked “Can a woman be president?” YES! I replied emphatically. And then I got tears in my eyes thinking about how furious I am that we still live in a world where a little girl isn’t sure about that."

please advise

Some things to smile about on a gloomy Monday morning involving searching for holiday plane tickets (incredibly depressing if you don't have endless funds) and picornaviruses (somewhat depressing except for the fact that polio has been nearly eradicated worldwide, which is, actually, a very bright spot in the history of public health). The sun hasn't shone in a couple days but it's weird, I love this weather.

miles davis and bitches brew

the advent of the seasons

This morning: some white tea with rosebuds. Even though it was hard to wake up this morning, I can't wait to start the day now. In return for single-handedly fixing my sleeping habits (it's a process) and making me love the idea of staying put and being home with groceries, I am excited to show you the seasons, how we change with each one and anticipate the next. In a way, something you've been missing out on for a long, long time.

The ways we prepare ourselves and take it in stride. It's industrial, in touch with reality, and full of life as we hold on and try to squeeze every last drop from our favorite times. I love that about the people here. And I love easy brunches, morning walks, a stop by the coffeeshop to get some work done, pumpkin gelato, and grocery shopping. Let's end our days with tea and a hot shower more often.

And then start again.

just because i adore this photo and the people in it...

...and it was taken on the perfect indian summer day. It was the first time we woke up and it felt like autumn was ready to take over, but in the end summer prevailed and the day became a little too warm for this flannel shirt that I wear like an over-spirited miscreant on camping trips and chilly mornings. The day involved morning college football (I'm not interested in college football, but in the beginning of the season, I'm interested in any football), pie from my favorite little pie shop that everybody now knows about but still won't get air conditioning despite blazing ovens, a street fair involving this age-undetermined kid named Marty who dissed all who played his game, and tacos. The evening was rainy and spent quietly with tea and homework. Perfect.

love in the time of cholera

In an effort to stay caught up these past few weeks for this random school thing I'm doing, I've been neglecting a lot of other stuff. I've also been trying to avoid collapsing into bed without showering. Trying to keep the hygiene together. But I got called out majorly about not blogging in the form of a text from Nitin, "Why u aint blogging our pho experiences son?" Therefore, Nitin, Saad, and my endeavor into Vietnamese cuisine will be up soon.
And since waking up this morning, it has been my favorite kind of day so far. Rainy (intermittently) and cool. I like constant rain if I'm going to be indoors but during the day, it's nice to have the sun peak out and so I have a small window to make a mad rush to wherever I need to go. Today, it's for coffee since I haven't had caffeine in about 48 hours (totally not feeling it). That's neither here nor there.

I realized that I didn't post pictures for Cherita when she sent me flowers for my birthday. I never used to be a flower person but I think getting flowers on your doorstep and then getting to enjoy them and think of the person who sent them to you for the next several days (and these lasted like... 3 weeks at least, crazy longevity), is awesome.

remembering who to be

By necessity, March is going to be easier than February. One-third the exams (and easier ones- Neuroanatomy is one thing I'm fairly, okay, deliriously, happy I will never have to experience again). The weather has been beautiful and puts me in a good mood automatically. The sky was a little confusing when I woke up today, but I realized it was probably because I am unaccustomed to seeing such an early morning sky, most likely. Night owl and all. I am determined to get back to exercising again. All good things. But man, there is so much I want to do before April and the craziness that will come with it hits.

Things that should leave me no time to be watching The Bachelorette Women Tell All online today. Really, self? Was everything being said not incredibly predictable? That did not need to happen, especially since I haven't watched the show this season, with the exception of last week I watched a few episodes and felt caught up enough for the whole season. Regardless.

I want to reserve my time only for things that are deeply satisfying for me. Things like trying foods from cultures I hadn't tried before. Checking out and reading lots of books from the library (and I'm still reading Germs, Guns, and Steel). Spending real time with friends, really connecting and understanding. Writing letters. Starting to dream and research travel plans for this summer in earnest. Spending time outdoors, walking and really looking around. Taking pictures and recording moments. Writing down things that were said and important things to remember and ideas. All these things I want to do. But if I could start with keeping up with laundry and doing the dishes, I think I would be satisfied.

Bucket List #6: Visit African Countries

(my orchid)

Yesterday, I took a 3 hour seminar class about Global Health and Humanitarian Relief. We covered Chernobyl, the genocide in Rwanda, and earthquake in Haiti. I'll be spending the rest of this week researching the Darfur conflict for next week's culmination session when we're presenting what we've learned about disasters, both natural and man-made. This is definitely an interesting reprieve from a lot of science-heavy courses, although I love science. I put this book, The Graves are Not Yet Full, on hold at the library. Just something I was thinking about yesterday and this morning.

Visiting some African countries is definitely on my bucket list. It would be completely different from anything I'd ever done or seen. This one is very vague for now, but with further research, will become more specific regarding exactly what it is I want to do there.

regina spektor, guns, germs, and steel

listening to:

reading:

ode to food trucks

Things that are not awesome:
1. I spent more time researching food trucks last night than I spent studying, until 12 AM hit, and I was on point.

Things that are awesome:
1. The Brown Bag Lunch Truck. My school has organized a Truckin' for Haiti fundraiser and got some food trucks to come all this week to school. The only problem is... I don't really go to school. Not to sound like a slacker or anything, but I'm a slacker because all classes are recorded. However, we had lab today so I figured I might as well try it. More on that later.

2. The food was delicious and benefited a good cause.

3. This playlist by wit + delight to help me wake up in the morning. I love this site in general, it's full of awesome and lovely stuff.

4. I think I'm going to take advantage of food trucks coming into the area for the next two days and (over)indulge.

quick note on parental love and goals

"Mom, my Fantasy Basketball team is getting killed."
Mom: "Of course! Bad manager."

This is more offensive than when she thought my ACT score was a sample score they use to teach you how to read the form your ACT score comes on, "Where's your real score?"

Sidenote. Things I don't want on my bed right now but alas, they are there, because I started doing homework in bed tonight: 5 Anatomy textbooks. Too tired to move them now and I'm going to bed. Another side note: totally unsuccessful at going to bed before 2 AM tonight. But last night I was. Is it totally crazy-sounding to be proud of going to bed before 3 AM and thinking anytime before 4 AM is "acceptable"? Yes? Okay, just checking.

the world i love, the tears i drop, all to be part of the wave can't stop, ever wonder if it's all for you

[image from here]

One thing is for sure- I need to download a new browser. Since I got my new computer in September or October, I've been using Safari, which comes with it. It seems to freeze at least a few times a day, but I can't tell if it's because it's worse than Firefox, which is what I was using, or if it's just that I've been using my computer a lot more often, as well as the internet, to look things up. In its most recent rebellion, when I re-started it, it seemed like every page that I visited last night and today came back up. It was entertaining and a little bit strange to see all the pages that I'd been looking at come up all at once. And have all the music that I've been listening to start playing at the same time:

1. Isn't She Lovely- Stevie Wonder
2. Can't Stop- Red Hot Chili Peppers
3. Homecoming- Kanye West
4. My workout exercises- I was reviewing some of the exercises from my workout last night to make sure I did everything with the correct form today (nerd alert).
5. Basketball videos, stats, and my Fantasy Basketball league. I was doing some research last night about whether I should take some players out today to improve my free throw percentage (even bigger nerd alert).
6. Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies on Amazon ready to be ordered.
7. Blackboard (where all information for school is posted).
8. The site I use to stream basketball games.
9. Rhino Iguana (Buddy) and Logan Eating Breakfast. For some reason, Saad thought it would be a great video to send me at 2 AM. I'm confused why that thing is a pet. Should it not be running around in a jungle somewhere?
10. A hotel with a room that has everything knitted in it. Seriously. Also embarrassing.
11. New York Times blog post about economic and social effects of diabetics

I obviously spend my time on the internet in only the best, most productive of ways.

i don't know what it's like to land and not race to your door

I took this picture with my computer at Bourgeois Pig in Lincoln Park today. I worked in a clinic with some patients this afternoon and then sat in a coffeeshop and studied. For a long time. I'm wondering if the rest of my life plays out like this, I think it'd be not bad. Room for improvement maybe. But maybe it'd be a happy little life I could be content with. I'm in the strangest mood, so most of that did not entirely make sense. I feel like I need to sleep, but also think about some things. Early train out of the city tomorrow!

I also realize that I turned a really cute, 18th century-looking cafe into what sort of looks like a dungeon with a really nice selection of tea. But taking pictures with a computer is awkward. I still plan on bringing my camera around. For Chicagoans: this coffeeshop is not my favorite, but extremely cute. I need to take real pictures soon!

indian summer

Yesterday, in the Anatomy locker right before our lab exam, I heard someone say, "I think this has been the worst three weeks." I think we're lucky that the "worst weeks" were only awful because they were sleep-deprived and centered around cramming as many things into our brains as possible (both of which are incredibly painful). All the same, I'm excited that our last exam is tomorrow and then we have two weeks without exams. And it seemed like it might be a we should just look at cute animals kind of day. These were kittens that caught my eye at the Anti-Cruelty Society, a humane society downtown. Alex said that it always surprises him when I do intensely girly things like look at kittens and puppies. Kittens always get adopted right away, but I really liked these two. I have decided that I'm going to adopt a cat in a year when things are less hectic with school.

classy things

Things that would make it seem like I'm a classy person enjoying a (very) brisk fall afternoon: I am drinking some darjeeling tea and listening to the Yo-Yo Ma Pandora station. I swear by this station; it's the best. Also I just found this simple breakfast idea originally posted here. These three elements might tell one, Oh, this girl eats breakfast and listens to classy music (it's literally classical music), and drinks tea. Tea is classy.

Unfortunately, I woke up at 12:30 PM today to a text message after having shut off my alarm clock at 10:30 and also just poured the tea down the sink. So who I actually am is someone who stays up until 5 AM reading about determinants of pulmonary gas exchange, needs an alarm clock for 10:30 AM (seriously?) and then doesn't even respond to it. Furthermore, I skipped straight to baking a pizza and some ribs for lunch, and forgot about the tea I was steeping until it was way too bitter.

And now that I decided to write a quick post instead of brush my teeth, I have 15 minutes to leave and go meet my Anatomy group (which, by the way, is composed of great people. I can't help but gush every time I think of them. I told them I would profile each of them on my blog- which, true, has only been actively updated for the past 4 days, but whatever).

So things are a bit of a mess around here. But. Yo-Yo Ma on Pandora? Like I said, I swear by that.

soon it will be cold enough to build fires

It's 1:23 AM and I plan on watching the Respiratory Physiology lecture that happened this morning as I fall asleep on the couch. Reasons it's okay to sleep on the couch (and I mean all night, as blanket and pillow have been transferred to the couch, not a nap): none. People who understand why I am enjoying sleeping on the couch: none. Reasons I'm going to bed 3 hours earlier than usual: I'm not getting anything done tonight and furthermore, Confessions, Part II by Usher is stuck in my head. And I really can't relate to my chick on the side telling me she's three months pregnant and she's keeping it.

[image from here]