too blessed to be stressed.

This dream was a long time coming. Medical school is the brunt of a lot of jokes, and for good reason. I think it makes you question everything you do. Then again, it must have different effects on different people. For me, the process of medical school made me feel really unsure of myself, really determined, more conscientious, and obsessive about thinking meticulously (and usually failing at that).

When I say that it has helped me learn how to think, I don't mean that I can now figure out every phenomenon of the human body. I mean that I learned how to fight (with myself) for complete open-mindedness when approaching people--to doggedly and stubbornly preserve kindness and understanding toward everyone. I've always heard and believed that I understood the idea of compassion, but in practice, I don't think that remaining poised when inconvenienced by others or even giving the benefit of the doubt comes as second-nature to people as they think it does.

I learned the importance of this from two perspectives. The first lesson came from my patients, as most of my lessons tend to come, and with the help of attendings who were generous enough to share their experiences and thoughts with me. It's easy to grumble about the patient who misses their clinic appointment, but when we learn that they take three buses, or travel four hours, to get to us, it's easier to accept--but we then unfairly write off all the people (whose stories we don't know) as irresponsible.

The second lesson came from my interactions with people around me. I am grateful for the people who always understand: my absences, my cancellations, my thorough exhaustion and thus boringness. Although my appreciation for these friends shouldn't require a comparison, it is because I have also dealt with the people who don't understand and are incapable of sparing someone else the benefit of the doubt that I realize compassion is a gift that must be consciously practiced.

My goal with this long tirade is to create a reminder for myself of the feeling of having recently graduated: that even when you don't know much, kindness is something that you can always have, and always fight for.