Things I Loved This Week

I'm feeling like a Bears game today, but unfortunately, there is none. Instead, I think I'll try to do some cooking, studying, and cleaning. The past week, I have been haphazardly falling asleep before showering, brushing my teeth, etc. and I have no idea what's going on. Just knocking out!

Have you ever heard the idea: "The days are long, but the years are short"? In an effort to keep track of each week, I thought I'd share all the things that have made up my week or stumble upon across the internet.

1. On Friday, I finished reading this book. I think it's my soulmate, to the point of not wanting to allow someone I was talking to borrow it, at least until I got a chance to write down the entire book in case I were to never get it back.
2. The Magnetic Fields' 69 Love Songs and Sara Bareilles' Kaleidescope Heart. I've been listening on Grooveshark, which is awesome to listen to songs in an unlimited capacity, from what I've seen.
Although I love so many of the songs on Kaleidescope Heart, I think The Light and Hold My Heart are my favorites on the album.




3. Dreaming of traveling. "Are you going anywhere? Leaving the country?" Not right now, but I am thinking about trips, saving money, and road trips that I can take now.
[image from weheartit.com]

4. By contrast, home. Lovely home.
[designsponge]

5. I found these on Etsy, but I can't remember from where, and for that, I am sorry.
6. I do't know why, but I love this image. The rings? The dog? [The Selby]

6. I've always loved this quote.

7. Cool print.
8. My friend Rob. We always, always have a good time. Apparently, I have a sign on my back that reads "Will help move for pumpkin spice lattes and sushi." Also, interestingly, at least five of my friends have moved this past month, within Chicago. It must be in the air. I'm so glad Rob packed... you would think packing is an inherent part of moving. However, I am here to inform you that some people merely designate that their booze will be riding in the passenger seat... and that's the extent of their moving plan.

9."I believe a strong woman may be stronger than a man,particularly if she happens to have love in her heart. I guess a loving woman is indestructible." -John Steinbeck (Bravery)

10. Fall fashion. Always. And forever. Sweaters/knits. Post coming up soon.

Everything I do from now on is going to be incredibly funny.

"Jocelyn, I'm going to be about 20 minutes late."
"That's fine.... I'm going to blog now. And it's going to be about you being late."

But that's not what I'm really doing. Here are my random "fun" goals I hope to achieve by the end of 2010.

1. Furnish and decorate my apartment. I mean, honestly? I've been here since June. It's fully furnished, as of two weeks ago, and the addition of a dresser last week made it seem even more furnished, but here's the thing... there is nothing on the walls. Except for a few random things I hung up just to see on nails that were already in the walls. I have several prints/postcards/miscellany that are ready to go on walls, but I need frames. I'm always looking for frames. Last week I went to a rummage sale and got some awesome things, but not many frames.

2. Sign up for a cooking class and "other" class. I am looking for a cooking class in Chicago that is more than one (expensive) session. You know, something that meets once a week for several weeks. I so far have only been able to find classes that are one day. I also am planning on taking a class, possibly pottery or screenprinting, two skills that I don't have yet. I was talking to my friends last night and I think it bothers me when I don't know how to do something... even if it's something like screenprinting.

3. Compile a booklist. This year, I am reading. A lot. I thought it might be fun to gain more perspective from friends, teachers, and advisers by asking what books have changed their ways of thinking, their lives, or just meant a lot to them. I specified that they could give me as little or as much reasoning as to why they chose certain books. I so far have e-mailed many of my friends (some of whom I know every book that they've read in the past 5 years anyway) and have just the hardest part left to do, naturally--which is to e-mail the teachers and advisers whom I've respected.

4. Send packages to friends. I have these boxes and packaging I want to reuse. I like sending mail. I know many of my friends who would really appreciate getting mail. I want them to know I am thinking about them. It seems to make sense.

It's just so easy when the whole world fits inside of your arms.

Today was a good day in terms of eating healthy until about 11 AM when a grande Pumpkin Spice Latte was accidentally consumed. And again until 9:30 PM when a stuffed crust pizza was very consciously consumed. And then again until about 9:40 when a slice of pan pizza was consumed. You see, I didn't feel that it would be appropriate not know the difference between a stuffed crust pizza and pan pizza and had to find out immediately. This act, though a hindrance upon my monthly goal of eating healthy, was fully in line with my life goal to always learn things. And you see, life goals overrule monthly goals. Obviously. It comes with the designation of being a life goal.

And also I was with two new friends, Matt and Eric, who made me laugh so hard that I couldn't breathe. And then I had to stand up and walk away for a few minutes. Because they were actually indulging me in my request to see their impressions of an Italian robot singing "Banana Pancakes." And again as sarcastic robots. And to do an imitation of dubbed Japanese movies. So you begin to understand.

astronomy will have to be revised

Although September is mostly over, I have a few goals that I've been working on, will work on this week, and will continue to work on in October. I also have realized that I will need to begin working on my October goals, if I am to start them at the time I intend to start them. (Note: if you want to start doing something, you don't start planning on that day. Right.) The current plan is to have a large, overarching goal for the month that will most likely be more intrinsic and difficult to measure. Just writing that makes me laugh a little. I'll have more measurable goals to help me reach those goals and just because I'm neurotic (the extent to which is yet to be discerned), actual actions that I can take.

My goal for September is to revitalize/energize. Which to me, means to get it together. Which means to enable myself to begin living the way I want to. I say "enable" because I don't know that I can realistically start being this person I intend to be, but if I can focus on the things I love and conduct myself in non-lazy ways, I think that's a start and exactly what I need for September.

Steps:
1) Set up a routine- things to do every day. I recently read someone's Facebook status and I really liked it, "Every day, same place, same time. The catalyst for change." This is something I have a hard time with. I'm working two jobs, but one of them really allows me to define my own schedule and come in whenever I need to in order to finish what I'm doing. By nature, I don't crave consistence, but I feel that if I can be consistent, then not only will I be more stable emotionally, but I will also be able to open up my day to experience more.

2) Healthy eating- I am awful at this.

3) Exercise- Swim, bike, yoga, walk. My current exercises of choice.

4) Deal with past issues. Talk to the necessary people. More on this later.

5) Enjoy autumn and Chicago. This one is simple. This season and this city inspire me endlessly. I was talking about autumn with my friend Rob the other night, and he interpreted autumn nights as chilly and melancholic. And I realized that while this is true, it's exactly the reason I like it. (He was born in the late spring, so the first season he experienced was pleasant summer- can't deal with the melancholy! Ha, I have a lot of theories. I'm sure many will come to light soon enough) At the same time though, the reason that I yearn for that slightly tugging feeling that comes with the autumn evenings is the opportunity for the comfort that we can provide ourselves- the cozy of hot chocolate or tea, a blanket, and a good book. So maybe I'm not into the melancholy either (I may assert that I am, however), but interested in the reaction to it.

I will post more on the individual goals this week.

"You Should Sell These to Starbucks"

[Image by Shutterbean]

One of my goals (which I should really compile so that they are not floating around everywhere- "everywhere" being my brain) is to only eat the sugary things that I make myself. This is my reconciliation of my desire to eat healthier but also still bake. I would like to note that it is really, really hard to avoid buying Trader Joe's Highbrow Cookies. I like slightly crunchy cookies most of the time (I SO go through phases in cookie preferences) and these are irresistible. Inherently, there are many problems to this goal, which I need to work out. For example, what about Molly's Cupcakes or the myriad of delightful Chicago bakeries that I can't help but love and at which I share experiences with friends? There will need to be some thought put into this.

To me, baking is like the less-intimidating, more approachable version of cooking. This autumn, I plan on improving my cooking skills, and yet I feel this inexplicable need to ease into it... and if someone would hold my hand through the entire process, that would be preferable. In the meantime, while I wait for takers, I've been wondering what I can bake for $21. It turns out that I can't get out of making banana bread... over and over again. I made some a few weeks ago on Thursday. Then two more loaves Friday. Then two more loaves yesterday. It also turns out that you can actually make five loaves of banana bread for $21 and still have a lot of leftover ingredients. I am only running low on the yogurt, vanilla extract, and butter. I look forward to trying out some new recipes in the upcoming weeks.... hopefully. It's just that this stuff is so good. And as of yet, I have been unable to mess it up. And I mess up baking a lot, in the most careless ways.

I've been giving it to co-workers and friends left and right. One of my co-workers is obsessed with it and came into work on a day off to get some. And it may be the sole reason that we are friends. But that is another story for another day. One thing I like is that there are no nuts because I feel as though I've recently met quite a few people who are allergic. But I'm sure that they can be added.

I used the recipe from Shutterbean and I believe she got it from a book called Mad Hungry: Recipes for Men and Boys.

Tessy's Banana Bread

• 1 cup plus all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup granulated sugar
• 3/4 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• coarse salt
• 4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, melted
• 1/3 cup buttermilk (I used 1/2 cup plain yogurt)
• 1 large egg, lightly beaten
• 1 large banana, mashed (about 1/2 cup)
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

For the topping:

• 1 tablespoon cold butter, cut into pieces
• 1 tablespoon brown sugar
• 3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1 tablespoon flour
• salt

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter a loaf pan. Or be like me and use Pam. I make enough mess in the kitchen. Me and butter hands don't mix.

2. In a large bowl, whisk together 1 cup flour, the sugar, baking powder, baking soda and 1/2 teaspoon salt.

3. Stir in the melted butter and the buttermilk (or yogurt). Add the egg and beat for 1 minute. Add the banana and vanilla. Stir until well combined. Spread the mixture evenly into the prepared pan.

4. Make a topping by mashing together the tablespoon of cold butter with the tablespoon of flour, the brown sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg and a pinch of salt. Distribute the topping evening over the batter. Bake for 40-45 minutes, or until cake tester or toothpick stuck in the center comes out clean. Cool in pan on a wire rack for 10 minutes. Cut and serve from the pan.

----------------

Next up, I'm thinking about trying out zucchini bread or some sort of cookie. I almost always crave cookies.

what it might be all about.

"People pay for what they do, and still more for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it very simply; by the lives they lead." -James Baldwin

I'm not exactly sure how to go about beginning a new blog, but it seemed like this quote that I've been thinking about might be as good as any. More importantly, it seemed necessary to just start. And start something new. I just went back to check my old blog and I believe I started it in July 2005, over five years ago. Since my sophomore year in high school on that blog, I've written in every voice from annoyingly abstract overtones to painfully obvious depictions about almost everything that one could (or could not, or should not) imagine. And by "painfully obvious," I stress the "painful." For me, were I to go back and read it all. It's staggering to consider all that has changed this past week, much less what has happened the past summer, the past five years. So yes, starting over is necessary.

This will be the first year that I haven't been in school in a long time. Although I plan to attend medical school next year, I believe that my endeavors this year will be as significant, if not more so. This summer may have knocked me down and kicked me around a little, but the crisp autumn air in itself is restorative. In August, I went on a non-fiction kick, beginning with Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder, then The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, and The Art of Eating In by Cathy Erway. The tone of the non-fiction inspired me to re-consider what my adviser, Joey, had suggested earlier: to start a blog chronicling the year. I began to appreciate the honesty in the analysis of daily, ordinary life in an attempt to figure out what works and what doesn't.

I mean, my personal journal has become a mind dump consisting of thoughts that can't possibly make sense to me ten minutes after writing them down. But what if I could write more publicly? Would such a medium encourage me to process my goals and truthfully consider my actions? I think it might be worth a shot.

Despite not attending school this year, I am taking a class in preparation for taking the MCAT in January. In addition to the 1) class and 2) studying, I am working 3) two jobs and trying to balance time for 4) swimming, biking, and yoga, 5) friends, 6) making things, 7) learning new things, 8) alone time, 9) volunteering, and 10) enjoying this gorgeous city I live in (particularly during the perfect autumn season). To my past self, it might be comical that I need to specifically state that "alone time" is a priority for me, but in the past few seasons, I was constantly surrounded by friends and acquaintances. I feel overwhelmingly lucky for the presence of such strong relationships in my life, but I also am beginning to recognize that at heart, I am someone who needs to take the time to sit down and look back upon each day on my own in order to peacefully finish it and prepare for the next.

This blog will serve as a place for me to remember all the things that I am attempting to accomplish this year and to be a place that I can think about the person I allow myself to be. Because I think that's the heart of it. As we curate our lives, we have to not taking ourselves too seriously while caring about who we are and the lives we lead. I don't know yet, but I believe it may involve wholeheartedly making those mistakes that we want to make (and as such, must be wise enough to never regret); it may involve feeling too much and trying more than we can handle. I do know that the smallest adjustments that we make the biggest changes. Some of the things I do this year will be absolutely ridiculous and some will be ordinary in the most mind numbingly simplest ways. That's what this blog will be about.