what it might be all about.

"People pay for what they do, and still more for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it very simply; by the lives they lead." -James Baldwin

I'm not exactly sure how to go about beginning a new blog, but it seemed like this quote that I've been thinking about might be as good as any. More importantly, it seemed necessary to just start. And start something new. I just went back to check my old blog and I believe I started it in July 2005, over five years ago. Since my sophomore year in high school on that blog, I've written in every voice from annoyingly abstract overtones to painfully obvious depictions about almost everything that one could (or could not, or should not) imagine. And by "painfully obvious," I stress the "painful." For me, were I to go back and read it all. It's staggering to consider all that has changed this past week, much less what has happened the past summer, the past five years. So yes, starting over is necessary.

This will be the first year that I haven't been in school in a long time. Although I plan to attend medical school next year, I believe that my endeavors this year will be as significant, if not more so. This summer may have knocked me down and kicked me around a little, but the crisp autumn air in itself is restorative. In August, I went on a non-fiction kick, beginning with Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder, then The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, and The Art of Eating In by Cathy Erway. The tone of the non-fiction inspired me to re-consider what my adviser, Joey, had suggested earlier: to start a blog chronicling the year. I began to appreciate the honesty in the analysis of daily, ordinary life in an attempt to figure out what works and what doesn't.

I mean, my personal journal has become a mind dump consisting of thoughts that can't possibly make sense to me ten minutes after writing them down. But what if I could write more publicly? Would such a medium encourage me to process my goals and truthfully consider my actions? I think it might be worth a shot.

Despite not attending school this year, I am taking a class in preparation for taking the MCAT in January. In addition to the 1) class and 2) studying, I am working 3) two jobs and trying to balance time for 4) swimming, biking, and yoga, 5) friends, 6) making things, 7) learning new things, 8) alone time, 9) volunteering, and 10) enjoying this gorgeous city I live in (particularly during the perfect autumn season). To my past self, it might be comical that I need to specifically state that "alone time" is a priority for me, but in the past few seasons, I was constantly surrounded by friends and acquaintances. I feel overwhelmingly lucky for the presence of such strong relationships in my life, but I also am beginning to recognize that at heart, I am someone who needs to take the time to sit down and look back upon each day on my own in order to peacefully finish it and prepare for the next.

This blog will serve as a place for me to remember all the things that I am attempting to accomplish this year and to be a place that I can think about the person I allow myself to be. Because I think that's the heart of it. As we curate our lives, we have to not taking ourselves too seriously while caring about who we are and the lives we lead. I don't know yet, but I believe it may involve wholeheartedly making those mistakes that we want to make (and as such, must be wise enough to never regret); it may involve feeling too much and trying more than we can handle. I do know that the smallest adjustments that we make the biggest changes. Some of the things I do this year will be absolutely ridiculous and some will be ordinary in the most mind numbingly simplest ways. That's what this blog will be about.